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There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).
Andy Stanley recommends Christians who have lapsed into a sexually immoral lifestyle wait a full year before dating again — he says, in fact, that it is the best and most important piece of advice he can give those in this situation. As you consider someone for marriage, their maturity today — the evidence and trajectory of their becoming more like Christ — should be your primary concern.
The conversation should not mainly be about the issue of history, but of maturity.
Yes, the person with the past, if their sexual activity is recent, needs time to heal before they enter into another romantic relationship.
Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.
When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.
To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.They are known, and they are trusted, and this is a great situation to come into (Philippians ).Bringing understanding mentors into the conversation doesn’t cause the relationship to lose control, but offers the potential of balanced, hope-filled, and biblical perspective and clarity.Is this a man or woman manifestly, not flawlessly, marked by the grace of God, a grace that forgives and makes new?Am I willing to entrust and commit myself — my heart, my time, my gifts — to this particular work-in-process child of God?